Why?
by Misakixxusagi
Summary: Little drabble type oneshot about Miyagi regretting Shinobu's death. Warning: Shinobu does die in this and bad language. Terrorist pairing


**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica **

**Author's note: WARNING: Bad language, Shinobu DIED, and lots of sadness. Also 'Ja' basically means 'later' in Japanese (as in, 'see you later'). Really short oneshot, enjoy! **

Miyagi keeps staring at he fat ball of cabbage in his trembling hands. He's been sitting like this in his apartment for a while now, just gazing at the green vegetable with a sense of loss and even confusion. Without a clue as to what to do next, he remains there holding the cabbage.

"... S-Shinobu...," he murmurs softly and tears sting at his eyes again - his heart instantly being pulled back into darkness while his forehead begins to throb slightly. "W-why...?"

He seems to ask himself this a lot these days. Like, why didn't he pick him up that day? Why didn't he have time for him..? Why couldn't he just check his fucking cellphone at the right time? Useless questions now...

* * *

Burying a loved one is sad and painful - for Miyagi, it was heart-breaking to the point he wanted to kill himself right then and there. The only thing that stopped him was the audience at the funeral. All of Shinobu's high school and college friends were there. Of course his family was there; his mom weeping loudly on the Dean's (Shinobu's dad's) shoulder while Risako was being comforted by her new boyfriend. The raven wept too, but quietly and behind everyone. He didn't belong at such a funeral. People would ask him, why are you here? How are you related to him? How is an ex-brother-in-law still in contact with their family?

Despite his fears, no one bothered him and he remained faceless and behind the shadows at all times. Even his ex-wife, Risako, failed to acknowledge his presence there.

Miyagi stayed back, though, on that oddly sunny day. It was 1pm, he can remember clearly, and the sun was killing his black suit, sending warm heatwaves into his skin. Direct sun shining on the man, he knelt down the freshly covered grave and began to cry.

Loud, ugly sobs were released.

How could he miss him this much? It was insane... It's not like he ever underestimated their 'destined' love, no he couldn't do that - but he never realized how much of it had consumed his whole soul.

In front of the solemn grave, he realized that laying 5 feet deep wasn't just his lover - it was his life. Not half of his life, his entire life.

And he wanted it back so much.

* * *

Now, still looking at the cabbage, Miyagi frowns. It's been a couple of weeks since he's started doing this after work when he comes home - he looks at the cabbage and then he closes his eyes. He doesn't sink in depression, as he once thought he would. No, he didn't drown himself in pain and sorrow.

No, he did something worse.

Something a person with a one-sided crush wouldn't even do, it's so pathetic and sad.

He imagined his lover.

He imagined the cute, scowling face of his lover and created scenarios of them interacting with each other daily - not sex or anything lewd - but he'd imagine them talking and flirting.

Miyagi knew this was pathetic, but he couldn't stop himself - not now that he's done it so many times. It's his guilty pleasure; day-dreaming about his lover and making him come alive by talking to him. He knows what the blonde will tell him in his fierce voice...

"Miyagi! W-Why are you late again?!" He'd scold him if he came at 11pm (which he did, today) from work.

The raven, in his fantasy, smiles sweetly at his scowling lover. "Shinobu-chin~! I missed you so much! I'm sorry for arriving late - Kamijou is getting lazy these days."

"That man!? He worked this late too!" Shinobu growls, irritated.

"Well of course, we're co-workers, remember?" Miyagi shrugs as he undoes his tie.

The blonde runs over to him and crosses his arms. "D-Did you c-cheat on me?" Although his aura is strong and powerful, he's stuttering weakly.

Miyagi shakes his head and hugs his cute lover. "Never," he whispers softly, cradling him.

Shinobu pushes him away. "L-Liar! A-anyway! I made some cabbage stir-fry with chicken today - you better eat all of it before you go to bed!"

"A-all of it?!" Miyagi says as he walks into his fantasy kitchen and sees a bowl full of greasy green 'stuff'. He doesn't even want to call it anything edible like 'salad', 'leaves', or 'slices'.

"Yup," the blonde dares him with a wicked grin.

Suddenly a tear falls down, even in fantasy.

"Ah, why're you crying...?" Shinobu gasps, walking towards the raven.

Miyagi wants to stop his fantasy... but he doesn't. Reality and fantasies were clashing inevitably - it was bound to happen one day.

One day that even his imagination wouldn't be satisfying enough. Nothing could ever be like the original.

"I'm crying... b-because... you're gone, Shu-chin," Miyagi cries, covering his teary eyes both in the real world and fantasy.

Shinobu's image vanishes as his whole fantasy crumbles, his mind accepting the truth now.

Accepting that his lover isn't actually with him.

That he's still buried in that cemetery, 5 feet under, and really cold.

* * *

"Miyagi, I'm gonna come home late - don't worry about me, m' kay?" Shinobu told his lover plainly as he left for college.

The raven got him and hugged his lover. "Oi, I can at least take you to college."

Shinobu's ears turned red as he nodded. Miyagi loved it when he was cute like this, especially his blush! After a five-second kiss, Miyagi grabbed his keys and they headed out of the apartment. During the ride to Shinobu's college, Miyagi held his lover's hand, but they didn't talk.

The silence was warm and welcoming, though. Peaceful and relaxing, they didn't need words for today. Oh, does Miyagi regret this.. If he'd talk to him - maybe even ask the blonde _why_ he's going to be late, then it would've solved some mystery. He could've even stopped him from not coming late...

"Ja," Shinobu said as he got out of the car, taking his book bag and walking into the building Miyagi closely parked near.

This is the worst part in Miyagi's memory - he didn't even watch the blonde go inside the building. He just gave a glance and then drove on. That was the last time he ever saw Shinobu alive.

* * *

The raven worked long hours himself that day. Kamijou kept bitching about how he'd had to deal with awful students and Miyagi listened to him - it was during that time that Shinobu sent the text. The raven clearly remembers his cellphone buzzing, but Kamijou began insulting Basho and the raven got all defense, ending up ignoring the text.

A life changing text.

That night, Miyagi went to his apartment and assumed his lover was already there.

He went to bed.

He fucking went to bed while his lover was dying in the street.

* * *

"-H-Ho-how did... i-it happen...?!" Miyagi yells into his cellphone. He woke up to a nasty call from Risako telling Miyagi that her brother got hit by a drunken driver.

Shinobu was walking home... from college.

His college is a few miles away. 5 miles to be exact. He thought he'd walk home...

"What, how, Yoh? URGH, we're suing the fucking drunk for it... Y-Yoh... He's really gone, my baby brother's gone," she starts to cry, her sobs loud and painful on the phone.

By now, Miyagi wants to kill that person, but it seemed useless. Everything seemed useless. He hung up the phone, not wanting to talk anymore. He'd heard enough. Risako was right - what how? It happened... and there was no way around it. The shock vibrated in his heart like an earthquake that never ceased.

And that's when the regrets came falling down on him.

Why...? It was so simple to check a text... So why...? Why couldn't he just open the fucking text...?!

* * *

Throughout his life, Miyagi never forgot about Shinobu. He worked long days and lonely nights at the same university until he died. He was an average person - working til he died. Only remaining family came to his funeral too and surprisingly Kamijou showed up (with his tall boyfriend).

In retrospect, the raven wasted the rest of his life, drunk on the thoughts of his lover.

But no one knows that his dream came true as he died as an aged man.

He met Shinobu once more... his spirit coming to him - flying - and jumping into his arms.

Miyagi looks up with his eyes. He was still in his body as he looked up at this white ghost that was a replica of his lover.

"... Please tell me I'm not dreaming," Miyagi begs, his voice deep and serious.

The spirit merely smiles, a teasing one at that!

"Oi...!" The raven yells as he feels his own soul finally leaving his ragged body and he feels himself run after his lover.

And that's how they found Miyagi - dead as a door-nail with a happy smile on his face.

* * *

**Author: Thanks for reading and please review. ^^ **


End file.
